I am a survivor of domestic violence. I didn’t know that I was being abused because my definition of abuse looked different. My husband pushed me and other seemingly small physical acts. Most of my suffering was verbal and psychological. He was a victim and expected my undivided attention and service. He acknowledged no fault for his behavior. I spent years attempting to prove my devotion to him, believing he would eventually see my sacrifices and show remorse and gratitude. It never came, in-fact he criticized everything I ever did. Nothing was ever good enough. My sorrow increased, as I desperately tried to avoid his blowups. I was miserable, hopeless and all alone.
I left my husband because of his substance abuse. It was the only way I felt, I could protect our young daughter. Almost immediately I felt the weight of his oppression begin to lift. I could see a difference in my daughter as well. I started seeing just how abusive he had been. I spent over a year trying to establish new boundaries and put focus on him and our daughter, removing the focus from him and I. Eventually, he began making threats on my life. I was scared but, I didn’t know that he would hurt me. He finally broke into my home and assaulted me in-front of our daughter.
I sought help and was led to Safe Harbor. My daughter and I are in counseling now. I am sorting out the mess that abuse has caused. I am finding my voice and seeking opportunities to grow and better my life as well as my daughters. My daughter will gauge her self- worth from my own self- worth. I must show her that she deserves the best, by expecting the best for myself. It is better to be single than live controlled and fearful. Many years I suffered in silence. By telling my story and being honest with friends and family I’m taking control of my life again.
Love, Beth (Survivor)