The Lie: “Its not abuse if you aren’t being beaten.”

September 14, 2016

 

AURORA:

The Lie

“Its not abuse if you aren’t being beaten.”

The Truth

“For years I had myself convinced: ‘It’s not really abuse because technically he never hit me.'”

Like, somehow it would have changed things if I had a black eye, or something really obvious like a hard-to-hide injury.

But in 20 years, I never did receive a black eye.  In many ways, it was so much worse.  All those indirect injuries were still abuse: being shoved and knocked around, or being hit with broken glass when he threw something at me.  Being terrorized in a moving vehicle, scared to death of getting in a car accident, or simply being made to be afraid of what ‘could’ happen was still abuse. ALL of it was no less abusive than being punched in the face because it breaks our spirits, our sense of self worth, and damages our sense of normalcy.  Abuse obscures our view of what a healthy relationship looks like and THIS is the very essence of abuse.

It took me a long time to see the extent of all this abuse. I helped myself by keeping records: I kept emails, I journaled, I kept audio recordings of threats.  I tried to document and collect events and keep them in a safe place.  It was really eye-opening to review these things when I was removed from the heat of the moment.  I eventually got brave enough to share my situation with people I could trust. Over time, I came to see that the way he treated me was no way to treat anyone.

#DefyTheLie – Abuse is so much more than being hit. And, you don’t deserve it – period.

The Lie

“Its not abuse if you aren’t being beaten.”

The Truth

never did receive a black eye.  In many ways, it was so much worse.

Quotes

“Over time, I came to see that the way he treated me was no way to treat anyone.”

“For years I had myself convinced: ‘it’s not really abuse because technically he never hit me.’ Like, somehow it would have changed things if I had a black eye or something really obvious like a hard-to-hide injury.”

I am a survivor of domestic violence.


“I didn’t know that I was being abused...

I am a survivor of domestic violence.


“I didn’t know that I was being abused because my definition of abuse looked different. My husband pushed me, but most of my suffering was verbal and psychological. I left my husband to protect our young daughter. Almost immediately I felt the weight of his oppression begin to lift. I could see a difference in my daughter as well. Then he broke into my home and assaulted me in-front of her.

I sought help and was led to Safe Harbor. My daughter and I are in counseling now. I am sorting out the mess that abuse has caused. I am finding my voice and seeking opportunities to grow and better my life as well as my daughter's. She will gauge her self-worth from my own self-worth. I must show her that she deserves the best, by expecting the best for myself.

Many years I suffered in silence. By telling my story and being honest with friends and family, I am taking control of my life again.”

- Beth

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