The Lie: “If I leave, he might hurt himself. He always said he can’t live without me.”

September 14, 2016

TAMARA:

The Lie

“If I leave, he might hurt himself.  He always said he can’t live without me.”

The Truth:

“Everything he does is about him.”

Typically, abusers are self centered, selfish people who ultimately do everything for their own benefit – including making you feel like you have to take care of him and can never leave because he couldn’t live without you.

Very early on, I felt that something wasn’t right in my relationship.   When I tried to leave the first time, he showed up at my parents crying with cuts on his wrist.  I was shocked afraid he would hurt himself and it would be all my fault.

Years later, when I finally did leave for good, he tried again.  He called me at work and said he had a gun and that he just didn’t think he had reason to live anymore if we weren’t together.  He wanted me to just come talk to him.  Instead of me doing what he wanted, I called 911 to help him.  They could intervene and I could stay away.  I wasn’t surprised to hear that this turned out to be a false alarm.  In the end I was empowered to say: I can’t fix him, and I am not responsible to for him either.

#DefyTheLie – He can live without you but will likely say anything to convince you to stay.

Quote:

“Typically, abusers are self centered, selfish people who ultimately do everything for their own benefit.  Including making you feel like you have to take care of him and can never leave because he couldn’t live without you. “

I am a survivor of domestic violence.


“I didn’t know that I was being abused...

I am a survivor of domestic violence.


“I didn’t know that I was being abused because my definition of abuse looked different. My husband pushed me, but most of my suffering was verbal and psychological. I left my husband to protect our young daughter. Almost immediately I felt the weight of his oppression begin to lift. I could see a difference in my daughter as well. Then he broke into my home and assaulted me in-front of her.

I sought help and was led to Safe Harbor. My daughter and I are in counseling now. I am sorting out the mess that abuse has caused. I am finding my voice and seeking opportunities to grow and better my life as well as my daughter's. She will gauge her self-worth from my own self-worth. I must show her that she deserves the best, by expecting the best for myself.

Many years I suffered in silence. By telling my story and being honest with friends and family, I am taking control of my life again.”

- Beth

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