The Lie: I was with a man I thought truly loved me. He would never physically harm me.

September 14, 2016

NICOLE:

The Lie

“I was with a man I thought truly loved me. He would never physically harm me.”

The Truth

“I started showing up to work with bruises.”

At first, it was just emotional abuse. I thought: “He says mean and hurtful things to me, but I should be understanding because he has had several brain surgeries and is so stressed. He would never physically harm me.” I accepted his emotional abuse because I’d known him for 10 years, and I knew he didn’t have family.  I didn’t want him to be alone.

When the physical abuse began, I thought: “He hits me, but I should forget about it. Each time, he is so sorry and says he will never hit me again.”

I thought I needed to stop making him angry. When he accused me of cheating, I would just let him rant and curse at me. I was certain he would feel better if I didn’t confront him.

I started showing up to work with bruises, and customers would confront me. They asked me: “Do you want to die? Do you want someone to tell your kids you were killed by him? Imagine how your kids would handle that!”

The last time he hit me, I was able to get away and he was arrested, but I still didn’t think I could live without the man I loved so dearly. Now, 2 years later and with help from a good friend and her family, my kids and I are much happier. I’m a better person and mother.

Quotes

When the physical abuse began, I thought: “He hits me, but I should forget about it. Each time, he is so sorry and says he will never hit me again.”

I accepted his emotional abuse because I’d known him for 10 years and I knew he didn’t have family.  I didn’t want him to be alone.

When the physical abuse began, I said: He hits me, but I should forgive him. He is so sorry & says he will never hit me again.  #DefyTheLie

I am a survivor of domestic violence.


“I didn’t know that I was being abused...

I am a survivor of domestic violence.


“I didn’t know that I was being abused because my definition of abuse looked different. My husband pushed me, but most of my suffering was verbal and psychological. I left my husband to protect our young daughter. Almost immediately I felt the weight of his oppression begin to lift. I could see a difference in my daughter as well. Then he broke into my home and assaulted me in-front of her.

I sought help and was led to Safe Harbor. My daughter and I are in counseling now. I am sorting out the mess that abuse has caused. I am finding my voice and seeking opportunities to grow and better my life as well as my daughter's. She will gauge her self-worth from my own self-worth. I must show her that she deserves the best, by expecting the best for myself.

Many years I suffered in silence. By telling my story and being honest with friends and family, I am taking control of my life again.”

- Beth

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